RECORD
RECORD
RECORD
RECORD
RECORD
No really! That's how I feel. You see, I thought it was a BRILLIANT idea to get rid of the darn kid seats because I was SO SO SO very tired of cleaning 4 different chairs EVERY SINGLE TIME the children ate. Apparently in my time of brainlessness I bought a table for the children. I was thinking to myself, "Way to go Jaz! You've truly outdone yourself this time! You're amazing darlin'! The guys are gonna think the world of you! You go go go girl!"
So I buy it.
I take it home.
I break a nail putting it together.
I think, then say a not-so-good word.
I feel bad for thinking it then saying it.
I keep trying to put the table together.
I put it on the counter because the floor is too loud.
I hit my forehead on the corner of the cabinet.
I think, then say half of a not-so-good word.
I feel bad again.
I break another nail.
I just get misty-eyed.
I get angry with the table.
I actually have a tear racing down my face.
I am embarrassed and no one is even around.
I finally get it together!
I drop it on the floor.
On my toe.
I only think the not-so-good word this time.
I don't feel as bad about it.
I attach the umbrella.
I put it in the dining room.
I smile.
I pat myself on the back and say, "Wow! You're amazing! The kids are going to be thrilled! You go go go girl!"
So, the children wake up.
They go to the kitchen for breakfast.
They see the table and say, "WOW! That's cool"
I smile inside!
Then -
they ALL start crying because I got rid of their chairs.
I feel like a jerk.
Not because I got rid of the chairs, but because now I want to slap them!
I tell them this is their big kid table!
They don't buy it.
I tell them if they smile for the camera I'll give them candy for breakfast.
They smile.
I get a few pictures.
Then the broken record begins.
Then the broken record begins.
Then the broken record begins.
I said, Then the broken record begins.
That's right - I repeat the following phrase at least 3.7 billion times a day - even when there is no food involved..."Sit down! Sit down now! Did you hear mommy/aunt jaz?! Sit down or you are not getting a snack. Sit down now! Okay fine! No snack for you! Oh my gosh - why are you taking their food?! We don't take food off of each other's plates! You have the same food on your plate! Yes it IS the same! Yes it IS! Sit down! Are your ears broken?! Do I need to give your ears to a little boy/girl that is going to use them?! I don't care - tell your daddy! Good, go tell him! But, I'm gonna smack your daddy too if you don't sit down! Are you kidding me?! You see?! You see this blood?! That's what happens when you don't listen to me. No, the floor did NOT hit you, you fell on the floor! No, you do not get candy now. No, you will not get candy today. I don't care if you tell your dad, because he's not getting candy either! Oh my gosh! Where are the wipes?! Why are YOU bleeding now?! Do you not see that he/she is bleeding because he/she wouldn't sit down?! Do you want to go to the hospital?! Okay then, stop crying! No - no candy! Good! Go tell your daddy!"
Ladies and gentlemen...that is word for word what I say and what goes on here during meal times! Enjoy the pictures - because I had to bribe each of them to smile! You do realize what hard work that is right?!
(ps) we got rid of the umbrella later that night! don't ask!
1 comment:
I love the idea of little table for them to eat at! So are they happier about the Table now or do they still miss their highchairs? I bet the were not happy to find out about the unbrella being gone.
l0l
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