Well!! After YEARS of NOT blogging, here we go again!!! =) I don't know if y'all are ready for this?! I feel fresh and new!! Totally re-energized!! I never thought I'd pick up this blogging thing again, but alas...I gave in!! I did enjoy it way back when and hopefully you'll enjoy it now!!
As many of you know, I sort of fell of the radar. I'm definitely not proud of what, how, and where everything went down in my life, but the truth is, it did! I'm not proud of my choices and decisions I made, however, I'm not ashamed to tell the world I'm working on it!! How grateful I am for the knowledge of the Atonement. There are so many goals and hopes I have for my future...for what the Lord has in store. If going through everything I went through could help any of you or anyone you know change their ways, let me know. I'd be more than happy to help!
Oft times I feel overwhelmed and inadequate. I don't feel like the super mom my kids deserve. I don't feel like the "Leave it to Beaver" wife my husband wishes he had. I feel so plain...so ordinary. I feel so down about not having awesome talents and skills that seem to drip off of every other woman I know! I see so many woman that have their ducks lined up in a row...that have their mess together...that have schedules and lives to live! I feel like a side liner or a mere drifter...never stable or steady...Why can't I be like the rest of the women?! Sometimes I question my ability to be a good friend or sister...I wonder, "how can I help or be of service to anyone else if I feel like I can't even keep up with myself"?!
Then I realize...it's life! It's this sweet sweet experience we call life! What a joy! Because even when I feel like an inadequate spiritually crippled mommy that can't get up and down the stairs or in and out of the car without making some sort of noise...my kids still hug me every night and kiss me every morning! My husband still tells me I'm beautiful and still puts up with my OCD way of folding towels! My friends still laugh at my pathetic attempts to be funny and my sisters still tell me secrets! Life is good!
There have been so many happenings since I last blogged. Brooks and I were shooting for a divorce...we were separated for almost 2 years...life wasn't so good. The heartbreaking thing is that our children suffered the most. My soul still aches for what I put them through. During that time I found what I was really made of...some of it was bad but mostly good. Some of my favorite people in the world talked some sense into me...through love, compassion, and forgiveness I was able to see through the darkness and clouds of misery that the adversary hangs over our heads and hearts, to find the pure love of Christ that awaits each of us. I'm excited for life--for the ups and downs...I pray that from now on my life can be that of an example that would show you the love and great respect I have for our Savior. If I could change the past I certainly would...but the lessons learned are irreplaceable...life will never be the same for me...
My heart is always full of gratitude...I love you all for your prayers on our behalf and for your faith in me...
Stay tuned...
